A phone call I’ll never forget

Dearest sister,

 

Today we received a phone call, the phone call every military family dreads. As I write this, you are laying in a military hospital, alone. According to the nurse you are on a lot of meds and too out of it to understand. At least you’re conscious, and will make a full recovery. I wish I could be there to hold your hand, and tell you everything will be okay. I never thought of what would happened if you were injured, it’s so hard not to be there with you, especially knowing how much you hate hospitals, especially when you’re the patient. I remember the first time we were in the hospital together. You were only about 4 and had fallen off something and gotten hurt. Mom and grandma thought you broke a bone so they took you to the hospital. We sat there holding hands until they called you to the back and mom went with you. A few short minutes later there was this burst through the doors, and a short little pale faced brunette was sprinting through the lobby of the hospital like her life depended on it. She had the most determined look on her face and was heading straight the for hospital doors. The look of fortitude on your face was incredible, but mid step a massive ER nurse/doctor swooped you up mid step, and hauled your butt back there. Later we came to find someone brought out a needle, so you kicked the nurse in the knee and booked it. HAHA.

Do you know where you were 10 minutes before that bomb was detonated? You were in your tent, playing xbox. Mom was bitching about how much it cost to ship to you a month ago, but you were so excited to be able to have a stable base, electricity, and something for entertainment. Well that power you were so excited about a month ago went off. I can see you now, you’re all pissed that your game cut out right in the middle; you may have even thrown the remote and done a little swearing before heading off to go see friends.  When you’re less than 150 meters from your tent a massive car bomb was detonated, destroying your tent, and all belongings. You would be dead right now if the power hadn’t gone off, or  that bomb had gone off 5 minutes before. So instead of praying for your swift recovery we would be planning a funeral.  We are so blessed.

Right now, you are probably sleeping soundly and thankfully in no pain. Dad said it sounded like they were taking good care of you, even if you couldn’t really talk. I’m sure that’s just because of all the meds, so sleep. You get really funny when you’re on them. HAHA. Please call me when you can, since skype is not longer an option being that your computer is in a million different pieces right now. Hmm does apple have a warranty for that? If not they should.

Well my love get well soon and get back to work.    kidding, just kidding. I love you so much.

Love you always and forever,

A

There is a difference between a good man and a great guy…

Dearest sister,

How are things going with you and L? I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, especially with this whole AK thing, and I know you love him. He may be a great guy but there is a difference between a great guy and a good man.

A great guy says he doesn’t want to hold you back and a good man supports you no matter what and holds your hand even through the hard days. A great guy gives extravagant gifts to ensure that you know he cares. A good man never has to give extravagant gifts to show he cares, because he does all the little things that mean so much more. A good man is humble, honest, goes out of his way to help others, and you never doubt his faithfulness, even during the most trying times of your relationship. What you found in L are all the qualities of a great guy, which is fine, but you can’t settle down with just a great guy. I hope working so closely now isn’t a problem. Don’t let yourself fall into what’s comfortable you deserve more.  

Please don’t tell me to take my own advice. I am doing just that. I know you think this AK thing is getting out of hand, but it’s not. I know just who he is and what this is. I’m just having fun, which this really wild, totally careless, and fabulous little sister I have always reminds me to have more of in my life. I think the exact words you use are, “stop being such a prude and let loose.” I am keeping in check the fact that there has always been something romantic between us forever because while he is a great guy, he isn’t ready to be a good man yet. All he does is think of everyone but himself but he can’t be faithful and his time management sucks. He is in the early stages of his career and we’ll see what the future holds. I’m not limiting myself. After all he is my BFF.

H asked me out again. Yea I know, I ran the check list and  mistake, maybe, fun, YES, so I’m going. I mean it can’t hurt. You always tell me to get out and have more fun so that’s just what I’m doing. We always have a good time and laugh. It will never be anything serious but the girls are out of town so I have time for drinks with a friend after the gym. Hehe.

Okay I gotta go but whatever you do, don’t let me fall for AK. E, Mom, Grams, K, and everyone who knew us as kids is hoping for something to happen. I just know if something happens now it would end badly, well not would but could. I’ll have more answers after this weekend. Yea, if I haven’t told you already he is flying me out to Florida for the weekend. I guess the mystery flowers I received at work really threw him for a loop. HAHA. Oh well, I gotta run.

Love you always and forever,

A

Missing you!

Dearest sister,

I miss you more than words can fully describe. The distance between us seems unsurpassable and never ending. Time just keeps passing as I count the days till you return home. It never ceases to amaze me how life just sails along never halting. If anything the days are flying by. Funny how life never slows, it seems the only constant is the steady passage of time and the memories left scattered around like your dirty laundry.

Recently I have found myself pleasantly happy and fulfilled in the life that I have. This unequivocal happiness makes me feel guilty because you aren’t here. You’re sleeping under trucks for safety and eating prepackaged food, while I go about my days in an office and going out to nice dinners. Suppose we are both living out the lives we have chosen, and that is a gift in itself. I just feel a little guilty sometimes. If only I could ship you a to go box with a giant steak and potatoes. Speaking of which, I have a fantastic care package full of goodies to send you. Aunt C sent you a package last week and Grams has one ready to send this week. I will be sending mine at the same time. Look at you getting all spoiled.

Speaking of Grams, as you know over the years, She and I haven’t really been too close. I mean when she married Grandpa 15 years ago I was not the first one in line to welcome her into the family because we already had a grandmother we idolized. As time has passed on we have become closer, and I love her so much she has been such a wonderful addition to our family and she is a very special woman. We were never talk on a weekly basis close in the past but in the last few months I have been calling and talking with her more and more, and I think our relationship is much stronger. I love her, but she isn’t Grandma and for a while I always felt like she was trying to be. Now she is just herself and we get along so great. I’m really happy that we have been able to talk more and have a closer relationship. I guess things like that take time and I know it is partly my fault. I’m really looking forward to Thanksgiving with grams and grandpa. Wish you could be there; last Thanksgiving was so much fun. It’s my favorite holiday, especially since our family has so much to be thankful for. Plus any excuse to eat as much cranberry sauce shaped like the can, stuffing and pie is another good reason.

Well my love I miss you tons and you will have a package shortly.

Love you always and forever,

A

“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.”

Dearest little sister,

I love you. I know you have been having a rough few months to say the least, and I am truly so sorry, I can’t imagine what you are experiencing. Please know that I am trying so hard to be there for you as much as I can be, and I know I’m not online as often as you want but sometimes I just can’t be on facebook, but I do try so hard to be available to you as much as I possibly can be. I’m counting down the days till you’re home. Only 7 months and 10 days!  Woot woot!

From what I understand you aren’t really pleased with the L situation, you’re confused with what you want from the Fisher thing and you are a little homesick. All are very understandably upsetting things, but look at the bright side, because there is one, none of those issues is permanent. First, you will move on from L and if was meant to be it will be. Relationships can’t be forced they just sort of happen, trust me I want one. Secondly, you will define what exactly is going on with F when the time comes, enjoy yourself! You only live once some things are just meant to be fun and not defined, give it time.  Patience is a virtue you’ve been lacking since you were born. Jeez Third, you will be home soon, not as soon as I want you to be but you are almost at the half way point. Oh and to make you feel better I’m baking you brownies tomorrow night with nina! I’ll ship them first thing Thursday morning. I would bake cookies but I can’t really make those, I suck at cookie baking but if you them I’ll try. Now for the million dollar question of the night, chocolate topped brownies or not?

So the closer to my birthday I get the more anxious I am. I have been completely single for 2 years and 5 months. Yea that’s right my friend 2 YEARS and 5 months. I haven’t dated any one person for more than 3 month steadily,  I mean the A thing counts but it wasn’t really a committed official relationship I guess. Anyways the closer this birthday comes the more I freak out, what if I’m going to be single forever? Seriously! That’s the way it’s looking right now, I’m officially entering my mid 20s and I have no prospects. I thought I would be married by 28 at the latest! And be having kids by 30, but there is really no way that’s happening. I mean I can’t meet someone, get engaged and married in that time span. I mean I suppose I really could I just would like to be dating for at least a year to a year and a half and then have a year engagement so I mean I suppose I’m not totally out of the loop but I really am. I mean I just feel like right now I’m not nearly experienced enough in relationships to have a long term one but I can’t find someone to date long enough to get relationship experience. I sound like an idiot but seriously.

I found a quote the other day that said, “ it is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things.”  This seems to be a piece of advice we both should consider taking right now. I know things suck for you right now but they will get better. Just like I’m ready to meet someone that part of our life stroll just hasn’t happened yet, it will though. Why don’t we both work on enjoying this phase of our life and accepting the person this phase is shaping us into. Everything will work out, I pinky promise. If it doesn’t I’ll let you punch me in the arm really hard.

Well I have a confession, I can’t stop thinking about AK. What is it about that man that gets under my skin? I can’t figure it out, ever since we were kids. I mean he’s charming, funny, sweet, tough, a little rough around the edges, and so sincere but other than that I mean really! For the past week all I can think about is him, and its making me bonkers that he has a girlfriend. I know we are just besties and it shouldn’t bug me but it does. I have no clue why. I mean I just wish that were me. I wonder though do I “like him” or do I just “like the idea of him” I mean I like the idea of Jimmy Choo pumps but they KILL my feet and I can’t wear them but I like Christian Louboutins cause they don’t hurt my feet and are wearable. Is AK wearable? Don’t say you can’t equate men to shoes, because you can. I mean could I wear AK for the next 50 years? Or for forever? I mean that’s what I want, forever. The real forever, the till death do us part and I’ll wait for you on a bench in heaven so you don’t have to go in alone forever. Do you think that type of love exists anymore? I do, sometimes I doubt it but then I see old couples holding hands and lovingly looking at one another and I know it does.

Well my dear it is getting late here. I went up to the roof top of my new building to compose this letter to you and it seems perfect. It is a beautiful night to just lay here on a lounge chair and stare at the sky, and so comforting to know that even where you are we are still looking up at the same stars. Although mine are pretty dim, screw light pollution I wanna see stars. Good night love. I’m always thinking of you and praying for you, even if I am not writing as often as I would like. We should skype soon!

Love you always and forever,

A

update…finally! xoxo

Dear Sister,

How are you doing? I know I haven’t written you in a while and I’m sorry, life has been crazy. I just moved into my new apartment the weekend before last. Then I had my first week on my new job. Then I went to Florida to visit AK, which was interesting. I’m finally at a place where I have enough time. I will try to be better because you are important.  

So I moved into the new place and it is great. It is close enough that I can walk to the office in less than 10 minutes. Oh yea and it has a kick ass pool! Haha it makes me really happy I love living close but I love having a pool even more. It’s funny how happy the pool can make you. I guess I always relate swimming with the good times we used to have as children hanging out by the pool and playing fish out of water.

Speaking of old times, spending the weekend with AK was amazing. He is just like when we are kids. It seriously amazes me that after 7 years of not seeing each other we can just pick up and be like no time ever passed. Our relationship is just so natural it is insanity. Well it was a short trip but it started by meeting all of his friends and going out to some bars at the beaches in Jacksonville. Then Saturday we went slept in, I made breakfast and cleaned up from the pregame party. After that we went and got flowers for his mom for her birthday then we went over and grilled with the family. It was so nice just drinking beer and talking. We stayed with his parents for like 8 hours and spent 5 of those hours sitting at the dinner table just talking together. His parents commented on how perfect we are together and it was so odd! He says yea well A and I are best friends. So of course we are perfect together. His parents told me that I needed to come back soon. Following dinner we went back to his place and watched a movie then talked all night, until I needed to go to the airport. Sis it was such an amazing weekend and just what I needed. I was so worried that I would be upset the day that TT got married to her but I wasn’t. AK made it an amazing weekend. Why can’t I find a guy like him that doesn’t live a 2hr plane ride away! It was a little awkward at one point because he literally acted like my boyfriend all weekend, complete with hand holding, and cute kisses on my forehead. BUT he has a girlfriend! I felt so guilty and weird about it. I know AK always has a girlfriend, there is a good reason, it’s because the getting laid percentage goes up like 300% after he becomes “single” on facebook. HA I know he admitted that to me go figure. Anyways, I need to meet a guy that I can just chill with like him. He’s totally perfect towards me, maybe not the other women in his life, but the way he treats me is all that matters.

This weekend with AK was seriously amazing. I always loved him growing up. He was my best friend and even though we were never more than friends he was my first kiss. Over the years, our relationship has been the one constant in each other’s lives through breakups, career changes, deaths, and it has transcended over distance and impossible circumstance. Kind of like ours! This weekend was a glimpse into a life that I always thought about in the back of my mind, a loving functional relationship. If only AK didn’t live so far away I think he would be the absolute perfect guy. Who knows what might happen in the future. I’m feeling optimistic. I can’t wait to head back to Florida.

Looking back it is amazing the paths that we have taken to become the people we are today. I never would have thought that this is where I would be, and I’m very happy with my life. Things have worked out so well. So I’m pretty optimistic that the future will work out for the best no matter the circumstances. Who knows maybe AK and I are meant to be together in the end. OR  maybe we’re just meant to be best friends who help each other through the good and the bad. Either way the future is bright my friend!

Well my love more later. Miss you tons!

love always and forever,

-A

Vent session.

Hey Sis,

I know you’re under tons of pressure and I don’t want to add anymore but I need a 5 min vent session.

Ready. Set. Go.

Mom is seriously pissing me off. She NEVER has time to talk and I know dad doesn’t call that often but when he does he doesn’t just need something everytime. I swear. She texted me and essentially accused me of lying to her about paying my student loans. Seriously, that’s what you have time to ask me about. Not my personal life, not my new job, not anything of revelance or importance to my life, but all about her. She never can see past her own issues and she can’t take care of herself let alone others she makes me so angry I don’t get it. Why can’t she just pick up the phone and call me. Is she really so engrossed in what’s going on in her own life? I asked her a few weeks ago and she said the squeaky wheel gets the oil. UM seriously we are all adults. Just cause someone needs your attention more than the other its too much to take the time to answer your phone to talk to your kid. SHE DOESN”T EVEN HAVE A JOB! What is she so busy doing? I can’t effing believe that she can only manange a text message when it’s something that she needs. UN FREAKING BELIEVEABLE!

Ok well I’m over it.  Vent session over.

Work has been crazy but I love the new position and I’m so happy. Its actually stupid how happy I am.

I’ll write more later busy day at the office.

Love you always and forever,

A

“Sisters is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship.”

Dearest sister,

I came across this quote today. It was on one of those dumb quotes of the day crap things, I don’t know. I really need to figure out how to unsubscribe.  It did make me think of you and I, of course, and how much we used to fight as kids. Gosh, I don’t know how mom put up with us, we were unbelievable sometimes, always fighting. I miss those days. Playing on the swings, dressing J up in our dolly clothes and fighting over who got to push him in the doll stroller, and don’t forget panty wars! Haha we fought so hard to be individuals all our lives now we volunteer to let mom dress us alike for the rare holiday we are both around. I miss you.

The other day when we exchanged a few quick emails meant a lot to me. I know you are on a mission and you are seeing terrible things, but as hard as it is don’t let it tear you up inside. I know you can’t  things there and not be affected and forever changed, but always try to turn it to a positive. I know seeing your friends get shot is hard, but helping ensure they gets to a hospital and seeing them well again will ease the pain. This may not always be the case, but try to be as positive about things as you can. Don’t be cold just try as hard as you can to hang on to the light in any situation, everything shapes us, every event impacts us, and every person we meet changes us. Those things make us into the people we are and the people we will become. Never forget that. As I have repeated to you before my love it is the days that are the hardest that have the most potential to be great.  I know you are destined for a wonderful life and try as hard as it is to see the potential for greatness around you and in yourself. You have such a bright future ahead. Just think 9 months till you are out of the military, maybe, and we can begin to take over the world and accomplish our dreams together.

During that brief exchange you said something stupid about not coming home. Please don’t ever say that again, I need you. You are my other half, what would I do without you? Everyone we’ve ever met can’t believe how different we are from likes to dislikes to clothes and career choices but those things make us the most unique and amazing duo ever! Who wants two of the exact same thing, DUH! I know its hard not to think about that when you are faced with the situations you have seen recently but I need you in my life. I can’t picture anyone else I would ever suffer through Harry Potter land for other than you. Little sister you are one of the most important people in my life. When I think of my life all the good things that have happened wouldn’t have been as good without you there to share them with and I can’t imagine my future as bright if you weren’t there to poke fun at my accomplishments, “only to ensure they don’t go to your head” as you say.

I love you more than you know, come home so we can do great things and keep beating the odds. Hey is there a law about sister President, Vice President tickets in presidential elections? I ask cause I am feeling a first. HA! Come home safe, don’t ever forget to see the good things in life. You are so special.

Just to make you smile I found a few pictures that I thought would brighten your day. I preface these with I was packing. I even included an embarrassing one. Just so you will laugh out loud!

Be safe and be happy.  Know where ever you are and whatever happens I will always love you and be here for u.

Love you always and forever,

A